post of a recent email I just sent out…

I know, for many of you on this distro, it’s been a long time since I last wrote/called. Believe me, there are reasons and reasons and reasons… I’ve been literally buried in project after project since February of this past year… A stint at a venture capital firm in Santa Fe, then I took on a leadership role at Duke City Shootout Moviemaking Competition and Festival in ABQ (that’s spelled Albuquerque for you non-New Mexicans) - all the while I made many trips to and from Farmington NM to see my ailing mom, and managed a trip out for SXSW Film and Interactive. Post Duke City Shootout - I went back to Farmington for a week, then out to LA for a quick training of some new volunteer management staff at AFI FEST… because I knew in my heart I couldn’t be out of NM this fall, due to my mom’s continued decline. (For some of you, this may be new info, but for others, it’s not. I apologize for not having enough time to separate out the people on the list into the ones who know and the ones who don’t.)

I had planned to take a long trip and stay at Burning Man for an extended time this past year, but when I arrived, I was offered a job on a feature film in Santa Fe NM… and had to leave Burning Man early to make that start date for pre-production. I also cancelled my trip to Austin for the month of Sept as a result, and cancelled any plans to attend Austin Film Festival, too. I had planned to at least attend AFI FEST this year, as well, as soon as the film wrapped. But it was not to be.

My sister called and asked when would be the earliest date I could arrive in Farmington to STAY a while. Again, some of you know, some of you don’t, and apologize for this, but at least I feel it’s important enough that my friends in ABQ, LA, PDX, Austin and elsewhere all know why I have fallen off the face of the earth these past several months and will continue to be hard to reach for the next few weeks…. My sister indicated that she was at last going to use her power of attorney to discontinue any life-prolonging meds for my mom, as well as the tube feedings. See, Mom had a stroke about a year and a half ago, and the tube was installed into her stomach with the intention that it was a stop-gap measure til she recovered. All of this was against her living will and her advance directives, but no one wanted to fight my dad on the issue and I guess we really all did hope that Mom would in fact recover… but she never really snapped out of it. It’s been a slow decline for about 18 months now, and quite painful to see the lady I love most in the whole world live the last months of her life in this way.

So, I’m relieved that we’re making this move on Mom’s behalf. It’s long overdue. I’m really sad, but understand that my mom’s been very absent from my life for quite some time now, due to the strokes taking away her ability to speak. I’m also sad that this isn’t happening in a place where any of my friends live, and I feel really vulnerable, and I miss my friends a lot right now. Yes, even some of you whom I’ve just met recently and worked with a short while. To say that I’ve never been close to my family would be a giant understatement of the facts at hand. I’ve always leaned more on friends than family in my own life.

So how long will all of this take, for my mom to pass on, I really don’t know. Depends on who you ask. I’ve heard 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks… and then, even yesterday, the hospice doctor said he’s seen people live on for 3 months. I think I can manage 3 weeks if that’s what it takes. I don’t know if I can do this for 3 months, folks. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, of course. But the prospects of 3 months really threw me into a tailspin yesterday.

I wish very much that I could have seen a few of my LA peeps this week of AFI FEST. Thanks for the text messages and phone calls. I know it’s going to be a great year for the festival! I’m missing a wedding in Texas next week as well, and I know it will be a lovely event as well. I’m so sorry to miss it.

Well, that’s where things are with me. Nothing here is personal and if you find I’ve inadvertently left someone off this email list that should have been included, go ahead and forward it on. If you need to be left off this list because you’ve got some of your own really big things going on, it won’t hurt my feelings if you hit delete or don’t reply. Mainly I just want to let folks know where I am right now.

I do feel like Major Tom out here in outerspace, again, so if you DO want to drop a line or call, that’d be great. If you’re near enough to visit, I’d welcome that too. I hope to make a few quick jaunts to ABQ as time allows, I just have to see how this all shakes out.

I also have AIM chat, yahoo messenger, and skype… so if you want to catch me there, let me know and I’ll send you the details there. Late night is usually better, as my parents only have dialup and I can’t tie up the phone line all day.

I use friendster, myspace, tribe… and will reactivate soon enough.

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.