better today?

Got a few much-needed phone calls yesterday, and emails. It’s wierd how some days I can’t see getting out of bed and others I seem to have what it takes to carry on. My main bother lately… is that we have caregivers working here (non-hospice) that IMO, are spending a bit too much time getting Mom to eat ~a little something.~ At this rate it could take far too long for Mom to pass, at least for me. I’m not sure how to tackle this issue… other than taking over the the mealtimes - here’s the deal - Mom won’t eat for me, nor for my sister, nor for Dad. She knows that we know her wishes. But some of the caregivers are either apparently afraid to lose their gigs, or just don’t want to be part and parcel of Mom’s eventual demise. I’m at the point of throwing my hands up in the air, peeps. Just don’t know WTF to do. I can’t be there at every single minute to micromanage these folks… it’s too hard for me. I have mentioned this to my sister and perhaps she’ll try to be here on the mealtimes somewhat. My sister has been ploughing through all her photos to come up with stuff for the memorial service… I am supposed to be doing the same, and it’s just been too difficult for me as of yet. I just look forward each day to hearing from friends on email and phone and and blog posts/comments and text message… it helps me get through the rough spots. I’m in need of finding a particular poem that Mom slipped into my jewelry box - something about do not cry at my grave and weep, I am not there, I did not die… must get to the net and find it somewhere. And I told my sister I don’t want the ordinary little cards that they use when someone passes on… I want a picture of a sky at sunset with a ‘V’ of geese in the sky. My mom’s name is Vivian, and she told me once (when I was a child) that whenever I would see geese in the sky in that V formation that I could think of her. That was nice of her to think of that and tell me. I always do think of her when I see geese, V or not. Winged Migration, well, yeah, that film is a big teary-eyed watch for me. I’m hangin in there, though… keep in touch, peeps, I need you.

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