I\’m in Durango at an internet cafe… Had to run away for a few hours and Durango is only an hour away… the weather is still decent so I don\’t have to brave the winter snows - just yet. I am starting to feel quite tethered at my folks\’ house and have this serious desire to run/leave. I\’m ok with facing Mom\’s death… but I was expecting it to happen quickly… I\’m not ok with it taking 3 months or longer. My sister first told me that it would take 1-3 weeks. Then the hospice doctor said he\’s seen people go for 3 months. This was extremely bad news - because I don\’t have 3 months to sit around here going stir-crazy. I was/am willing to do up to 6 weeks, but I\’m going to need a few serious breaks in the midst of it all.

I was kinda wishing I could make it to Austin for the premiere of Fast Food Nation, but somehow I think my family would be really angry with me if I left the state. So for now, Albuquerque will have to suffice for my quick escapes here and there. I\’m still getting text msgs and emails from friends in LA who are like \”Where tha hell are ya?? You\’re supposed to be HERE now.\” :( I wish I was there now.

The missing caregiver is supposed to be back in town next week and so if Mom\’s health is not headed fast on a downhill slant, I may return to ABQ for the week. Not sure. Oh, that is the part about death that sucks, that you really can\’t plan too well around it. I hope that Dr. K. gets out of the pen someday and that others will fall into his footsteps in time. It\’s the ultimate gift, the ability to choose your own time of leaving, and to avoid the painful moments that are the only things left.

I plan to retire in Oregon, the only state that I am aware of that has very specific right-to-die laws. Either that or I\’m pulling a Thelma and Louise (without anyone else in the car with me) - small car, right off the highest cliff that I can find on the PCH, if I am able to drive at the time I make that decision. Cut the brake lines and let me fly… It\’s a damned shame that it\’s illegal to help others die. Hopefully by the time I am old enough to look back on a very full and interesting life, the laws will be different. I can only hope, that with all these aging baby boomers, that they will vote to change the laws to allow assisted suicide.

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