and now for something that totally pissed me off today

argh. So I called my dad today and he was a bit wierd on the phone, he gets that way when I’ve left for a few days and don’t call. Yeah, that’s right, I didn’t call on NYE or on NY day. so fucking sue me. I was taking some much-needed ‘ME TIME’ and I was on the road yesterday all day in a carful of friends coming from Austin TX… so I got to it today. Whatev.

He mentioned that mom had a seizure yesterday of sorts. That’s pretty much all he said, that he was there and he ‘helped her get through it.” so I called my sister to see how things ~really~ were, as that is usually how it goes. She said that the caregiver went to Dad because mom was turning blue.

Okay, so just so we’re clear on this… Mom is under hospice care. We have a signed DNR ( that’s a DO NOT RESUSCITATE ORDER for you folks who aren’t dealing with death in your daily lives.) We have gotten to the point where we readily admit to ourselves that Mom does not want to be kept here against her will, she does not want to have folks go to courageous measures to prolong her life. She signed THREE Living Wills to this exact perspective.

  So…. my dad goes back to where mom is, and starts pressing on her chest to start her to breathe again. Holy Mother of Gawd!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?

So… Mom’s still here. Thanks to Dad. Fucking awesome. That asshole.

  understand… Mom cannot speak. She cannnot move. She is completely bedridden and helpless to do anything at all for herself. She has not eaten a single bite of food since Dec 1. She has no desire to stay here in this state, obviously, that is what it all means to me, and to my sister and any other sane human being on the planet. And above all, helpless to prevent Dad from starting her breathing again.

This is a huge sorrowful event for my sister and I. We both feel horrid that we weren’t there to STOP it from happening. That said, neither of us can just be there all the time. We have our own lives to live and missions in our lives to perform. It’s just a damned shame that my Dad couldn’t be a real man and let my mama go. She deserves so much better from him than that. Goddammittttttt….

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